What is that? Cries of hussy, slapper, whore, do I hear? Well go ahead and judge, but hey it wasn’t my fault. Mike overpowers you, there is no doubt about that, but Micky, he was a problem.  I couldn’t get rid of him and the more I spent time with him, the more I wanted to be with him too. Now this is where it gets complicated. How can you love two people at once?  It ain’t easy.

* * * * * *

The next morning after my wild night with the mystery man, I had a million thoughts on my mind. Firstly, I was falling fast for this guy and that was not like me at all. Secondly, how was I gonna to say no to Micky? He wanted to be with me, I knew that, and despite my resistance I knew if I saw him again, we’d end up in bed.  I had to control that urge and be professional. If we were gonna be working together, sleeping together was not a good idea.

Man, how do I get myself into these situations! As I walked along the crowded streets my stomach growled. I realised I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours, maybe food would help my mind think more logically. I hurried across the road to the café on the corner. As I sat hunched over a plate of chicken and rice, I tried to think of a way outta this mess.

* * * * * *

Mike returned to the pad in the early hours of Thursday morning . He didn’t seem to care that he had no excuse as to where he had been. Micky would have to accept he’d been out, simple as that.

Micky had been frantic all night. He never dreamed that Mike would have been with anyone else, that was too unproblematic for his way of thinking. He immediately had contemplated the worse case scenrio and believed Mike was dead or in hospital. Although he hadn’t rung them to find out, he was too scared of what they may tell him.. Instead he had spent the whole night letting his imagination get the better of him. By the time Mike showed up, he was a complete wreck.

“Mike, thank God, you’re alright.”

“Of course, I am. What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Mike pried himself from Micky’s grasp and headed to the kitchen.

“I thought you were dead or worse.”

“How can you have worse than dead Mick?” asked Mike as he took a long drink from the whiskey bottle.

“You know what I mean, where were you? Why didn’t ya phone?”

“Didn’t think, I was at the Casino, that’s all.”

And that was all Mike was prepared to disclose. He went up to the bedroom to change his clothes, signalling to Micky that was the end of the discussion.

* * * * * *

I musta sat in the café all day watching the world creep by. It was nightfall and the place was closing. My mind was swirling as I walked out into the chilling night air. I’d had enough caffeine to make a small hippy commun high, there was no chance of me sleeping tonight.

I went to the sea, sitting down on a lowly bench to ponder on the events the last few days had brought. When I had become a philosopher of life, I wasn’t sure. I niether regretted anything, nor ever thought about consequences in any shape or form, but my encounters with Micky and the mystifying Nez had changed that. Here I was desitute and alone without a friend in the world and all I could think of was them. I could have sat there all night worrying about what tomorrow’s meeting may bring, but in the end it seemed frivolous to worry. I decided to head back to Roach Motel.

* * * * * *

Micky too had been worrying. Worrying where Mike had been, worrying whether he would guess what had happened between him and JJ. He squirmed in his chair as he tried to force down the food that Mike had prepared.

The atmosphere had been frosty all day. Since Mike came home he had spent his time lying on his bed, ignoring Micky. He didn’t want to speak to him, he was too busy casting his mind back to the enigmatic brunette he had met the night before.

“Mike….Um can I talk to you.”

Mike let out a deep sigh. ‘Not this again’ he thought, if he asked me where I was one more time I’ll scream.  “What?!”

“I just wanted to make sure that we were cool.”

“Yeah….Everything’s fine Mick, quit it will ya!” Mike would say anything to get Micky off his back. Sometimes he felt like a babysitter rather than a lover, Micky was seriously hard work.

“Are you sure?”

The anger was pulsating round Mike. He couldn’t help it. That pitiful whiney voice cut through him like fingernails down a blackboard. He wished Micky would just shut up, learn to let things lie. But this wasn’t Micky's way and Mike knew it. It was as if a caged animal was let loose in his mind and he had to attack.

He charged towards Micky and grabbed him roughly by his scrawny arms.

“Ow….I’m sorry Mike, I’m sorry.”

“Shut up for fuck sake Micky, just shut up.”

“Mike, please you’re hurting me, please stop. Why are you doing this, what've I done?”

‘Typical Micky’ thought Mike, still gripping his arms turning the flesh white beneath his fingers. ‘Never to blame is he?’ Mike decided not to answer his question. His conscience knew that Micky hadn’t done anything really, but he had to release this constrained anger somehow.

“Mike…please speak to me. I’m sorry, whatever it is, I’m sorry.” Micky was crying now, the tears streaming down his face. He wanted to get away, far away from Mike. Where could he go? Then he had an idea…JJ.

Mike released his grip and pushed Micky aside. He was bored of this game now, he wanted sleep. Maybe to dream of that girl again. He walked casually away from Micky who was cowering on the couch and headed to bed.

* * * * * *

So a screw up and a nutcase, I sure know how to pick ‘em, don’t I? As you can see, all was not a bed of roses in the Nesmith/Dolenz camp. I remained blissfully unaware of this relationship and would have been quite happy to let it stay that way, but Micky had other idea’s.

* * * * * *

Micky tried to sleep. Mike was snoring quietly next to him, his arm drapped across his chest, keeping his prize close. Micky shut his eyes and tried to block out the actions that had occurred earlier. He was kidding himself that Mike would snap out of it, he was getting worse and Micky knew why. He wasn’t stupid, Mike was drinking more and more everyday. There was always a bottle of whiskey by the bed, another one in the cupboard and possibly others round the pad.

Micky’s back was still sore for the whip marks that Mike had made. He only found out later that it was that day Mike had receieved a phonecall from the manager of the club they had a regular weekend gig at. He’d told Mike that they were no longer surplus to requirement and Micky had once again bore the brunt of Mike’s anger.

Micky reached over and gently lifted Mike’s arm off of him. Mike stirred, but simply drifted back to sleep again. He silently slipped out of the bed and dressed, heading for the door and out into the fresh night breeze. He had to see JJ, he had to tell her the truth.

* * * * * *

I, too, was having trouble sleeping. I looked over at the clock again for the twentith time in as many minutes – 2.00 am was staring back at me. I knew that coffee would keep me awake. I got comfortable and tried again.

Suddenly something hit the window. I listened carefully, there it was again. Man, if that was those kids, I was gonna ring their necks. I cautiously looked out into the street. I instantly recognised the figure standing below.

“Oh Jees.”

I went downstairs and opened the door. Micky was standing on the pavement. He looked awful, his face was drawn and his eyes boar heavy dark circles beneath. I took his hand and placed my finger to my lips. Larry, the guy who ran the hotel, had the room by the door and didn’t allow visitors past 10.00 pm. He musta had too much to drink tonight though as we managed to get to my room undisturbed.

Once in the confines of the room, I was able to question Micky’s motives on coming here.

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” He mumbled his feeble excuse to the floor.

“Look Micky, I think you’re great, in fact you’re better than great, but I can’t be your girlfriend, or whatever it is you want me to be. I’m a heartless bitch, I’ve been on my own so long that I don’t have the ability to care for anyone else.”

Not true, but I couldn’t cope with this right now. I needed to get my own life back on track first. He did look cute though, that lost little dog look was so appealing to me right now…but no, I must resist.

“I just wanted to tell you the truth, that’s all.”

“The truth about what?”

“Um, when I met you, I was kinda in a relationship, in fact I still am.”

His confession had shot me down in flames almost to the point of embarrassment. So he didn’t want a girlfirend after all, how could I have read the signals so wrong?

“So, we all make mistakes, Mick. Does she know?”

“No…and it isn’t a she.” He still couldn’t look me in the eye. He seemed so scared, so nervous of me. Was I that much of an orgre?  I didn’t think so.

“That, I wasn’t expecting. Ok, hey we all experiment. Some of the stories I could tell you about when I was in college.”

Micky began to cry, he sat down on the bed and sobbed. He didn’t stop crying for a good half an hour. I sat down beside him, running my hand gently through his hair, wishing I could make whatever was bothering him alright. Micky dried his eyes and began to speak.

“Mike…you know the guy I told you about. Well he was so great in the beginning, we were happy, he told me I made him content with life. He didn’t need anything else.”

“So, what’s changed?”

“He has. The gig’s have dried up and he takes it out on me. I never know where I am with him, he can be kind and caring and then all of a sudden he snaps. I just can’t take it anymore, so I left. I’m sorry I came to you, but I had to get away.”

“It’s fine Micky, I’m glad I can be here for you. Do you wanna stay tonight then?”

“If I can.”

“Do you still want me to come over tomorrow?”

“Yeah, if you don’t he’ll think something’s going on.”

“Ok, well let’s try and get some sleep.”

I lay Micky down on the bed, he was exhausted. I climbed in beside him allowing him to move up close to me. He wrapped his arms so tightly round my waist. It was as if he thought I might leave him. I let him doze off, whilst I stroked his hair. I didn’t sleep much, instead I just watched him. His face was so angelic, so innocent, how could anyone treat him badly? Then I realised my hypocracy. After all I had treated him dreadfully too. But could I hold my tongue when I met Mike tomorrow, I wasn’t sure.