By April Morthorpe
"What's wrong, Mike?" he asked, his innocent eyes pained.
"Oh, nothing."
Peter grabbed his hand and stared at him, serious. This made Mike smile and consent. He was glad to talk to him, actually.
"It's something that happened a long time ago, well, actually not that long. Back when I was in high school was the first time I'd ever been in a relationship."
"Did she leave you?"
"Well now, it wasn't a she, but yes, I was left alone." He looked away as if to close the discussion, but Peter pulled his face to back to his.
"Tell me about it."
Mike nodded. "Well, Pete, I've never told anyone else this before. Well, I remember when I was in high school back in Texas; I was a loner, though many times I tried to convince myself that was what I wanted. I knew everyone hated me. As long as I was deemed unpopular, I wouldn't ever have anything to do with them. But I didn't really care, as long as I had my music.
"But I wasn't alone. There was a boy named Joseph who was much like me. He was so closed in, so quiet. He scared people away, and this really attracted me to him. There was another thing about Joseph that ate at me: his hat. He wore this." He pointed to his wool hat.
"I remember how he'd wear it, too, sitting barely perched on his head, showing his dark brown hair beneath and around his face. Well, he was also fiercely protective of it, so much that I remember watching him beat the shit out of some poor bastard that dared take it from his head. He wasn't exactly a football star, so he didn't have a chance at hitting him, so he attacked the most vulnerable spot: his cock. He just latched his fingers on that bully's wang and would not let go, till he yelled out in pain. I still can see that horrible look the bully gave Joseph when he ran off. All the kids watched Joseph, smug and triumphant, speechless. I applauded silently."
"One day at lunch I chanced to find Joseph in the cafeteria - a first. My heart pounded as I brought my
tray over to him and sat down. I tried a greeting, and I saw a paper Joseph was tearing at with his pencil. I couldn't really tell what he was drawing, but it looked great. Before I could see what it was, though, Joseph angrily ripped the page from my gaze and thrust it into his backpack."
'Come on, let me see, Joseph! I said.
"He dug into his bag again for a sandwich sloppily made and hissed, 'No!' He threw the thing in his
mouth, signaling no further talk."
"But of course I would not have it. Well, why not?' I said.
"I guess something in the way I asked made him consent. He took out the picture and tossed it at me.
I was amazed at what I saw. I couldn't even think of something to say other than something like, 'Jesus,
this is good!' Joseph hid his face in his arms, peeking out at me. I asked him if he had anymore, and
he took the picture and tossed to me a whole other folder of pictures."
"He was getting really embarrassed by the praise I was giving him, so he took the folder angrily and said, 'Alright, Mike you saw the drawings.' He poked at his food and gave me a hostile look."
"I could tell the he wanted me to leave. I prodded," 'So! You hang out with anyone here?' Stupid question, but at least it was something."
"He sneered, 'Hell no! I don't need any friends.' His voice was hard."
"I nodded, and we started dissing the people at school a bit."
"Then I asked if he had a job."
"Joseph snorted. I said, 'Well, I do. I work as a farm hand for some guy named Fletcher. I help him
plant shit.'"
"He looked at me. 'Fletcher? The one who owns the Fletcher farm?'"
"I replied cockily, 'Yah, that's the one. Pretty shitty job, but hey, it's money, isn't it?'"
"'How do you like your boss?'"
"'He's ok.'"
'"Cuz he's my dad.'"
"I gave him an embarrassed look and asked him why I had never seen him there before."
"'I don't hang out at the farm. The house is a couple acres away.'"
"'You don't help your dad too?'"
"'He doesn't waste his time on me. He knows I'm just going to fuck everything up, so he doesn't risk it.'
I laughed, not knowing that I wasn't supposed to. But he was not mad for long, because then he asked me if I wanted to come over that day. I said I'd be delighted."
"Joseph tore open the door with me beside him and led me into the house by the hand. We sat down on the sofa, very aware at the chilling silence that threatened to overtake us. Joseph broke it, but his words were shaky. 'So Ihear you play songs on your guitar.' He stared into his hands."
"I said I did," excitement burning my voice.
'"Can you sing? What do you play?'"
"I blushed and told him that I wrote the shit that I sung.'"
"He said, 'You write songs, huh?' but he was not after praising me. He leaned closer to me, his eyes deadly."
"Something about his voice and face made me want to reach out and seize him in my arms, but I fought it. Joseph continued, 'Sing something for me.' He protested when I refused."
"When I looked at him, though, I found myself trapped in his eyes. We sat there, so close, still, quiet, and we could have sat like that all day if his parents bursting through the door hadn't interrupted us."
Peter looked at Mike with wide, worried eyes. Mike had to smile at this as he continued, "Well, we
weren't about to stay with them there. We just up and left, as quietly as we could, and they didn't even
notice we were there. Joseph pulled me along till we got to his barn. The tall, wide door seemed to invite us in. I followed as he snaked through the hay and the barrels and up the ladder to the loft. He slunk up that ladder like a squirrel, while I clung on the rungs, like a baby to its mother. He finally had to help me get up to the loft. He threw himself on his side on the hay, and I got myself comfortable."
"Thus we lay together, facing each other and listening to the various animals playing outside. That made me ask why there weren't any inside that barn. He tossed his head and said, 'Oh, they're allowed to come and go as they please, among other freedoms I will never have.' We shared a laugh at this. Then he took to staring at me again, until the intensity of the gaze made me throw my eyes down into the hay. I jumped when I felt his hand stroking my hair. He said to me, his fingers twining, 'You have such beautiful hair.'"
"I was very bashful when I mumbled a quiet thank you. But he continued, telling me how he had never seen such hair, and when I looked up, his face was serious, deadly. He sat staring into my eyes reached out his hand to touch my face." Mike stroked Peter's face softly then. "Then, he pulled my face to his, and kissed me. I tell you that took me by the back of my neck. I broke away and forced some air down my throat as Joseph sat up fully, his arms crossed and his face scowling at the hay. He shook his head and started to rise. 'I'm sorry, Mike, I'm sorry. I...don't know what came over me,' he said. He told me I could leave if I wanted."
"But I only responded by putting my hand on his thigh, pushing at it, so he would sit down again. 'I don't want to leave,' I said. He stared at me, his chest exploding with feeling. I couldn't free myself
from his gaze, and did not try to."
"He took hold of my face again and was soon on top of me, his arms taking hold of my hips. I closed my eyes and let the other take over my body, and kissed him back. I was a bit surprised I wasn't disgusted about kissing another boy, but soon I was filled with such wild passion that I stopped thinking about that. I felt the warm body on top of me pin me down. I fought hard to keep up with him, but lost this battle, the only defeat that could be so sweet. I let him shove me down into the hay, his lips never leaving their prize. I kept my hands to my sides until he took them in his stroking them, as he stared at me, and I started back, the both of us with only very embarrassed and confused smiles to say to each other."
"I broke the wall with a 'Jesus! That was unexpected!' I really couldn't think of any other way to describe it."
"He broke in quickly, 'But also inevitable.' Then he turned from me, suddenly too bashful to even look at me. He whispered my name."
"I waited for an answer, and when I didn't get one, I drew his face to me for it."
"He stared at my eyes before answering, faltering,"
'Mike, I don't know!' He looked upset.
"I didn't let him get up, and instead I grabbed him in my arms and there we sat for some time, silent.
'Just tell me, Joseph,' I said. 'Though I think we're both thinking the same thing.'
'"And what would that be, Mike?' he asked, hopeful."
"Now it was my turn to be embarrassed, but I went ahead. I told him I loved him."
Peter's eyes lit up.
"Then," Mike went on. "He smiled and his face reddened horribly. He whispered to his feminine hands, 'Yep, that's what I was going to say, too.' But then he looked upset again. 'Oh, Mike!' he whined. 'You don't feel like I've forced anything on you, do you?'
"I took his hands and looked him straight in the eye. 'No, I don't. What just...happened, I'm glad it
happened. I liked it, and I'd love to do it again.' I wasn't lying."
'"Oh, there are some things I could show you that are lot more exciting than that!' he said, his face with a look of lust personified. The mischief alighted in his eyes, and struck me in the very heart. I gave in
to a sudden urge to seize the boy in my arms and kill him with a kiss." When Mike paused, Peter had his head held in his hand, his eyes dreamy. Mike, his head down, said, "Oh, but it doesn't end like that,
Pete. Without warning, his father came in. We heard him yell at us, and it really scared me. I looked
over at Joseph's face, and when I saw it turn white I lost all hope. I just sat there, dumb, as he tried to
speak for us."
"But the old man would not have it. He flailed his arms around, screaming for us to get down from the
loft and threw various other obscenities as we got down. Joseph stood in fear with his head down before his father, his hands shoved in the pockets of his tattered overalls, me at his side. At first, the
father didn't seem to see me. I felt so embarrassed also because the man was my boss. We waited for him to say something. The silence hurt more than anything."
"Joseph tried to apologize, but his father still gave him shit, then he turned to me and said something
like, 'Mike, how could you?' I couldn't even look at the man. God, the scene was horrible. Joseph would defend me when his father said something mean about me, and just stand there and take the shit he got. I really wanted to defend Joseph myself, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I still feel bad about that."
Peter traced a line up Mike's back with his finger, something he knew Mike always loved. He said, "Oh,
Mike, don't. What could you have done? The man wouldn't listen you to."
"Yah, I guess. At least I know I didn't hurt Joseph at all, because when the old man fired me and sent me out, Joseph whispered to me to meet him at school. I left the barn in a trance, my eyes never leaving him."
Mike leaned closer to Peter, who asked him, his voice soft, "Did you love him then?"
Mike looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Yes, I did. I even thought about the whole thing as I went home. I felt that Joseph was the only thing I needed, and he could even kill the guilt that tried to eat at me for
being gay. With him, it wasn't matter of him being my boyfriend, of he and I being freaks. I just loved
him, that's all I thought about. I only knew that I wanted him very badly."
"What happened when you got home? Did your parents find out already?"
Mike sighed. "Yes, they did. The old man Fletcher had called them up and told them all about it as I was walking home. I can still see their faces. Pa was angry, as usual, but it was Ma who really distressed me. She was wiping her eyes with her apron, and tried to hide the fact that she was crying. I almost cried myself at that, but Pa's attacking voice distracted me. He said your usual how could you do this shit, but his voice pulled into an avenue that made my blood run cold. It was sorrow. I looked at my father full in the face and saw the same pain as was in the face of my mother, who busied herself in tying her hands in knots with the hem of her apron."
"My defensiveness dissolved, and was replaced by dread and a quivering voice. That was very hard,
Peter. We just fought about it until I couldn't take it anymore and ran to my room. I was full in tears by
the time I had the door slammed behind me."
"The next morning was better though. In fact, I was relieved. I was longing for school all through the
night, the thought of Joseph sleeping beside me all night kept me awake."
"When I got to school, I was greeted with hateful stares from everyone. They all must have heard, so
took their anger and hate out on me with their looks. I prayed no one would beat the shit out of him, but I knew he had it coming. I scanned the crowd for Joseph, but I didn't see him, not yet. My heart
pounded, and I found my hands trembling from pure nervousness. When I felt someone tap my shoulder, I jumped so high I almost hit the ceiling, and found I wasn't overreacting."
"Finally, a bully, who dug his finger into my shoulder and growled quietly, 'Meet me after school.'"
"I shoved the finger off of me, welcoming the scowl I got and sneered, 'And where will I be meeting you?'"
'"You'll know,' the bully scoffed as he walked away. 'Don't worry, you'll know.'"
"The day went past slowly since we couldn't find a way to meet all day. But finally it was over, and we were free. When I came out of my class, head down at being upset from not seeing him, my face flooded with a smile. Joseph stood before me, hands on hips, head cocked. He fought to keep a smile from his face, and accosted me, 'Hey, babe, where were you all day?' I realized just how quiet his voice was. We started our walk home, but he pushed me away when I tried to get closer to him. He snapped his arm away angrily when I tried to hold him. I was upset, and asked him what the matter was."
'"Look, stupid,' he said. 'We can't be so damn open about this! Every action is monitored, so keep your distance.'
"I smiled at the new prospect. I thought it would be kind of fun."
"When we got out in the yard of the school, he stopped me and told me to meet him at his barn at midnight that night."
"I said I would, and I longed to pull his face to me, but his hard expression warned me not to."
"We began to part, when a rude voice stopped us. Joseph turned and threw a curious look to the air.
'Who is it? What do you want?'
'"Funny you should ask me, when it is you who is the one to be questioned.' The bully I met earlier
stepped from the shadows of the trees, and behind him came his small army. They hung back behind their dictator, relish hanging on their pale lips. None had weapons we could see, but their fists were more than enough.
Joseph grabbed me in his arms and growled at the bully, 'Look, just get out of here, alright? I know you think you have a right to punish us, but you really don't. You're just wasting your time.'
"The bully mocked him, 'Punish you? Why ever would you think that?'
"Joseph sighed. 'Don't fuck with me, Mark. Just let us be.' He stood his ground to the bully, with me
harbored in his grip. He did not turn around and flee, though I knew he wanted to."
"The bully put a leg in front of him, and followed it slowly, his head cocked. His eyes half closed and
almost batting, he taunted, 'Let you be, eh? Oh, we'll do that, broken limbs and all!' A laugh spouted
from his lips, which were redder than his fellows. They bled, the blood his words.
"I knew that if we stayed there, we'd get the shit kicked out of us, but I didn't want to speak up. I
didn't want to seem a coward.
'"Mark, I don't want any trouble! Joseph said, his voice dark.
"The bully laughed at this, a high, tinny laugh that shook his cronies. They kept themselves away from
him, and laughed thinly along with him. The cronies are just as scared of their leader as his victims.
They make up the intimidating background, the wall that made the bully. He is nothing without his
yes-men. And they are nothing without him. They join up with the pugnacious bastard to save themselves from his indiscernible wrath, and also to boost their own egos, the same way the bully beats what he hates of himself out of himself by beating someone else. They're robots, only to respond to what the bully says, infinitely more cowardly and less merciful. If you could get to them, have them on your side; you would never have to fear from the bully. They would not openly defy him, but they would find a way to revolt, they always do.
"Well, these boys here were at the stage of pre-rebellion. They had had enough of the tyranny, and were contemplating revolt. I could see it in the flickers in their eyes when they looked at each other,
and I could hear it in the cracks in their voices when they answered another tight question asked by their leader. But this would be of no help to us.
"Joseph and the bully clung to each other with their gazes, their bodies motionless. They battled with
their eyes and neither seemed the winner. Finally the bully spoke up, ripping his gaze from Joseph's iron glare, 'Come on, guys. Let's show these fairies just what they're doing wrong.' He snapped his fingers, staring at us from his lowered and darkened face, and the boys behind stepped to the front.
"I ripped myself from the warmth of his arm. I shoved the air aside as I accosted the delighted bullies.
'"Alright! Joseph said. 'Let's get this over with.' I loved him so much then, so brave, so protective. He
squatted and met the attackers head on. He punched one of them in the stomach as he came for him. Effortless in his fighting, he put some boldness into me.
"I sneered at one of the cronies, who gave me a mean glare. He jumped at me, but I stepped out of the way, and he smashed on the ground, the grass driving itself into his mouth. I laughed out loud, so loud I didn't hear someone come for me.
"The kid whacked on my back, and managed to pull me off my feet. I hadn't time to breathe as I slammed to the ground, the boy on top of me. He showered punches on my face. I tried to get some punches in, but he was too fast for me, and heavy.
"Joseph now had the leader bully in his grasp, as I could see when I had my head in that direction. He
couldn't see the other boys, but he had little time to spare thinking about them. The bully smiled at him.
'Now, isn't this fun?' he said.
"Joseph sprinted at him and tackled him. The bully almost went down. He knocked Joseph off him with
ease. 'You'll have to do better than that, ma'am!'
"Joseph went for his legs. He jammed his fist in the hollow of the bully's knees, his legs spread out
beside him on the grass. The bully yelped and fell. Joseph leapt to his feet and stood over the bully now and took the time to sneer as he kicked like Hell. He let a sadistic glee overtake him as he watched the form on the ground crumple. It was pretty exciting, but I had little time to enjoy it, because I was still fighting the bastard on top of me. I yelled as I lost strength.
"Joseph turned to leave the bully when he heard me, but the bully on the ground grabbed his ankle before he could get anywhere. Joseph tumbled down and felt his leg pulled down, and though he fought, the bully had the advantage. He dug his fingers into the grass, legs kicking, but soon the bully was on top of him, his hand pinning him down by his throat. Joseph slammed his feet into the bully's chest, making the boy buckle and fall right beside Joseph, clutching at his chest with one hand and using the other to get up. He heaved as Joseph ran off again.
"I was having quite a time with that boy on top of me. We had our hands clasped, me trying to push the boy off, the bully trying to keep his balance. We both soon forgot each other as we fought for our own
control. I pulled my legs up and jabbed my knees into the boy's stomach. He grunted, but would not get off, instead he only got madder. I pushed harder, my eyes squeezed shut, and when I felt the boy finally off, I opened them in surprise. Joseph replaced the boy now, and he was kicking the crony until he crept to his feet and ran off. Joseph let him run away and swept the field for any more boys.
"The remaining had lost their zeal for the fight, and held back behind the leader, who slowly crept up to
us, his hand sheltering his chest. Joseph pulled me away then started off to the leader, his gait shaky
but firm. I ran behind him.
"The leader met him, his back almost bent. 'Well, ladies,' he snapped, his charm dissolved. 'You
certainly put up a good fight. You think you can keep it up?'
"Joseph answered him with a punch. His fist landed in the leader's hand, however, and the boy squeezed his fingers, crunching Joseph's hand. He sneered when Joseph fought to retrieve it. I saw Joseph fight like that, and I ran to his side, slamming my fist into the bully's stomach so hard his eyes bugged out. I was filled with such energy as I have never seen in myself before, energy I used to beat that poor kid into the ground. I stopped when Joseph put his hand on my arm, him feeling a bit of pity for the kid on the floor, but as we left, I did not forget to spit on him."
"Mmm, I'd love to see you fight him again!"
Mike smiled a tiny smile, his hand exploring Peter's hip. "Well, I felt very good about what happened, and Joseph even complimented me. The rest of the day went well. We parted for our homes, waiting for the coming of the night, and I went straight to my room to avoid any contact with my parents.
"I was sent to bed and had made up my mind to wake up at midnight. I slept right through the time, however, but when I woke up, it was still only 12:15. I leapt from the bed and threw some better clothes on and rushed for the door. My hand stopped right at the handle, and I realized that I could not get out that way. Ma and Pa would still be downstairs watching TV, so I had to go out from the balcony. Now for the climbing, easier said than done, I had certainly never done a thing like that before. Hell, I couldn't even climb a tree. Buy I'd do anything for love. Even if it including breaking my arm. Well, I
managed. I stumbled a bit on the way down, but soon Iwas down and running off into the night.
"I realized I had been running the whole way, and that I was damn tired. I fell into Joseph's arms when
I reached him, my hands flopping at his hips. He grabbed them and kissed me, and then he took me into the barn. As we went up the ladder, me closing my eyes all they way, Joseph laughed, 'I didn't think you would show!'
'"Well, it was a bit hard getting down here, but here I am! I said. Joseph had to help me get over the top of the ladder, and we both collapsed on top of the hay.
'"And it's about damn time! Joseph said, his mouth busy with both words and my lips.
"I put my finger into his hair, and twirled it hesitantly. He seemed to sense something was wrong and asked what it was, in his soft, cooing voice. He grabbed at my fingers to lead them through his hair,
his eyes deadly.
"'Oh, nothing. I just...don't know what to do.
"He smiled and planted a tiny kiss on my cheek. 'Oh, Mike, don't worry, you're doing fine!' he said,
slamming me down on my back and rolling on top of me. I only had time to breathe as he shoved me into the hay. But I fought. I pushed him off and sat up, worried in spite of myself, and this made him angry. He tried not to yell, 'What is it now?'
"I fumbled with my fingers before I spoke, and when I did, I couldn't talk properly. 'I...I don't want to get
caught again, Joseph!'
"He answered with forced patience, 'What makes you think we're gonna get caught?'
"I got animate; all excited with whatever was bothering me, trying to create another reason. 'Why not? The house is right over there, and the cows might make noise and.'
"He shut me up with a kiss. 'God damn it, shut up, alright? Stop being stupid. I like you quiet.' He
smiled. 'And vulnerable.' Suddenly he slammed me on the hay, harder than ever, and pinned my arms down by my head. I panicked. I couldn't breathe with him sitting on my chest, and I couldn't move at all. I tried to yell for him to get off, but I couldn't even open my mouth.
"He let the moonlight fill his lungs as he flipped me right over on my stomach, my hands still pinned. He
reached around to unbuckle the belt and slid it out, and then he tore off my clothes. I felt him stuff some fingers into without warning, first one, then two, then three.
"I yelled into the hay, trying to ask him what he was doing, but he did not answer. He slammed his cock
into me. I bit my lip to keep the noise inside my mouth, but soon the intensity of his fucking was too
much. I did not hold back. "He pushed on hard enough to break my back, and squeezed his fingers into my thighs as he climaxed. The blood pounded in my head, almost taking my eyes out as he let out a horrific yell, me yelling along with him, more from the pain in me side from his digging fingers.
"I ripped up pieces of hay at the coming of a burning feeling that made I hips tremble. Joseph hit
something in me that set off such feeling I never knew I could have. As he got more fierce, I reached the pinnacle of this feeling, something tearing my body in half. He reached his climax a little after I did,
then fell on top of me. I let him lie on I, mostly because I was too exhausted to move. I could hardly
breathe.
"Finally he got up, but with great effort. He said, 'Mike, Mike, get up!' He yanked me up by the collar.
"I leaned on him, his head resting in the my chest. I clung to him. He helped him back in his trousers as he laughed his childish laugh, 'Well, what did you think of that?' He pulled me closer to him.
"I looked up at him, feeling so intense, but his wonderfully smiling face made me laugh. We both
laughed together. 'Jesus! I said, again with a loss of the right words. 'I never knew that could happen! Where did you learn that?'
"He put his head down when he told me. He was raped."
Peter furrowed his light colored eyebrows at Mike. "Really?"
Mike got excited and let a spurt of fury invade his voice. "Yah! And you know who did it to him? Mark!"
Peter shook his head. "I can't believe that!"
"You better. Who else would? Well, Joseph told me all about it, how he was just going home, and the kid took him to his house and fucked him blind in the living room. Joseph didn't know what was happening. He said it was so quick he couldn't even see it happening, but the pain when it was done was so severe, he didn't even know what to do about it. He just kept trying to release what he felt, the pain, humiliation, and the pleasure. As bad as it might have been, he wanted it again."
"Is that why he took to you so much?"
"Partly, but you know what I think? I think he had started out with his eyes in my pants, but very soon
it was for love. I knew he loved me.
"But I was incensed by what he told me. I was itching for the morning to come so I could beat the shit out of that kid."
"And did you?"
Mike tore his gaze from Peter, suddenly distraught. He didn't continue for some time. "Yes, yes I did.
But at such a price!"
Peter held Mike's shoulders. "What do you mean?"
Mike's eyes were beginning to get puffy when he turned back to him. "The next day I went to school
with only one thing on my mind: the fall of Mark. I didn't even bring my books, because I knew that I
would be sent home for the day for fighting." Mike spurted some spit from his mouth, and tried to pass
that off as a laugh. Peter tried to laugh with him. He continued, "I was glad I saw him. I was scared he
wouldn't show, but he did, and I went right up to him, my face set and my fists clenched. I know he could smell the malice on me. He gave me the meanest look and flicked his hand to say that we would take it outside. I followed him out into the yard, with the whole school coming along for the ride. I whispered at him, 'I know what you did to Joseph!' His face went pale. He got ready to fight to the death, and so did I, but not before I humiliated the bastard to the whole school. I yelled out, 'I heard what you did to that boy the other night, Mark! You really showed him how to love!' I smiled at the buzzing of the kids around us. Mark's face reddened, but what could he say to that? 'Yah! I went on. 'Didn't you guys hear? Wow! I don't think I've ever seen a kiss that big before.' I didn't get a chance to finish, because Mark rammed right into me, his head in my stomach. My words and breath splashed out into the air. 'Oooh! You bastard, you think you're getting off that easily! I taunted, going after him myself. It was really fun, Pete, beating him like I did. He got in some punches that stunned me with their power, but my rage kept me invulnerable. I wasn't good at all when it came to attacking him, but I would not let him push me down when he went after me. I just stood there like a boulder. He was getting tired trying to get me down, and he was really getting hurt when I would hit him. I was winning, bad, but soon I stopped hitting him, and I said, making sure everyone would hear me,
'Well, look who's the man now! Go on home to your boyfriend, Mark, we don't need you here anymore!'
"I felt a twinge of pity as the kids flew at him with their nasty fun, but the thoughts of the trouble he had caused me and Joseph eased my conscience."
Peter cocked his head and said, "Well it's either kill or be killed."
Mike nodded thoughtfully. "So I thought I had gotten rid of him. It certainly appeared, from the way he was running away, that we would not have to worry about him again. But that was not to be the
case.
"Joseph met me and yelled at me for doing what I did. He said that Mark would be angry and get back at us, but I really didn't care. I was pretty sure of myself then, pretty sure that if we did fight again, that I
would be the victor.
"The school day was far from over, but that did not stop us from just leaving for home anyway. Though
Joseph was angry, his eyes were filled with such intense love and gratitude, that I melted when I saw
them. He promised me with his eyes that as soon as we got back to his barn, he would thank me properly. When we got out of eyesight of the kids, we held hands the rest of the way. He slipped an arm around my waist, his head leaning on my shoulder as we neared the barn. Joseph was careful to scan the field and the inside of the barn before he let me in. Good thing, there was no one around, at least for that moment.
"He yanked me in by the hand and up the ladder. I had only been up there a few times, but already I felt I lived there, and even with Joseph, though we had only known each other for a few days, we shared a love tighter than many couples I can find now share.
"As I expected, Joseph thanked me with words that got lost in a kiss. He was so soft, so sensual then, I
felt I would collapse in his arms. My head was filled with such a fuzzy feeling I could barely move as he
traced his fingers up along my back," his voice was soft and began to trail off as Peter slid his hand
under his shirt.
"Yah, yah, just like that! It was so, smooth and wonderful." he whispered. He leaned back against
Peter as he continued stroking him. Peter slowed to a stop and asked Mike to continue the story. Mike got up, a little sorry to come back to the past, and resumed, "We had made love like we had never before. It was almost like I only just realized how much I loved him, and. Mike trailed off, his voice shaky. He hid his face in his hands as it became apparent how painful this was.
Peter held him closer and said, "Mike, if you don't want to finish, you don't have to."
Mike yanked his head out of his hands, his eyes puffy and red, and said with exaggerated enthusiasm, "No! No! I'll tell you, I want to tell you. I've never told anyone else this before." He paused and rubbed
an eye before continuing, "I held him so tight as he held onto me. Outside some farmers were mowing or something just then, and made a loud noise so that we couldn't hear each other. Then, I felt something wet and warm trickled onto my hands, and when I put my hands to my face, they were covered with blood. Joseph was limp against me, and made no motion. His hands fell off my back. I couldn't even move, I was so shocked, I didn't know what to think, I couldn't breathe. I snapped myself out of it and pushed Joseph up to look at him. He smiled at me, a weak, pale smile, and his body was slouched. A dark red splotch covered his heart. I flew on him, screaming and just, I don't know, going nuts." Mike was crying even as he said this. "I held on to him, kissed him, then lifted him up in my arms and carried him down the ladder. When I got down, I saw Mark standing at the door, shotgun in hand. I tell you I almost put Joseph down and went after the bastard, gun, or no gun, but I knew I had to get Joseph out of there and to a hospital.
Though Mark could easily have shot me too, I nudged him roughly out of my way and spat on his face. He let me go, but we didn't get that far. I tried to run to Joseph's house, but it was much farther than I
thought, especially with a boy in my arms weighing me down. I was hysterical as I threw myself along, my legs shaking under the weight and really not getting anywhere. Soon I fell down when I tripped on
something. Joseph fell into a lying down position, his eyes staring at me, a smile on his face. He put
his hand on my face and said, 'Mike, don't bother getting up again. By the time we get home, I'll be
dead. I want to spend my last minutes with you.' I didn't want to listen, but I knew it was hopeless. I
couldn't even see the house, and I knew the wound was mortal. 'Don't cry,' he kept telling me, but was I
supposed to do? What do you say to that? I fell on him and buried my face in his chest, which was a mess like my face. He dragged his hand to his head and pulled off that wool hat. With his other hand on my neck, he put that hat on me, his eyes beginning to grow hazy. I shoved my mouth onto his and kissed him, and when I lifted my head, he was dead." Mike plopped down on his back on the bed. His face was tired, and that scared Peter, who covered the Texan with his arms.
"I'm sorry, Mike," Peter, said. What could he say to that?
Mike shook his head, covering his face with his hands. Out came a muffled "No, it's ok, it's ok,"
from his fingers. "Peter, really, I'm fine. I'm over it, now that I've got you." He wrapped an arm around
Peter, pulling him close to him, his lips exploring the other's face. He pushed Peter down on the bed,
and Peter saw the beautiful face of his lover illuminating quickly, the glow of his love covering the tears.
Peter yielded to the soft strokes on his cheek, and he reached his arms around to hold Mike's hips. Peter pulled him down where he could reach the green wool hat, his hand never leaving Mike's hip.
Then he plucked the hat from the boy's head and put it on his own. Mike smiled at kissed him.
The End
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