Part V
By Woolhat's Traveling Mood
Mike put on a 'who me?' pout and then slowly gave a wry smile. "Are you going already?" he
whispered, curling his finger in a lock of English hair.
Davy looked at him and knew, deep down, that Mike meant it, meant everything. "I suppose I could stay a little longer," Davy murmured, accepting a passionate kiss from the drowsy Texan.
Davy knew that they were taking a big risk, as he staggered to his feet from the radio room floor. His back had little scratch marks from the hard, wiry carpet and they contrasted to his already existing bruises. Neither of them had talked much that evening, but instead concentrated on uncharted territory. It was a whole new experience for Mike and his mind was spinning with possibilities. Davy was so different from Micky; they were at other ends of the spectrum. Davy was confident and exploring, Micky was naοve and laid back, with whom their lovemaking had a tendency to be a little one sided.
Davy wrapped his arms around Mike's neck and planted a kiss on the bridge of his nose. "Thanks," He murmured.
"For what?"
"Everything. And Davy rested his head on Mike's shoulder giving a deep sigh of contentment. He wasn't going to tell Mike about Peter, nor was he going to tell Mike that he knew all about his relationship with Micky. Those things were unimportant, they didn't matter, not while they were together, in these single breathtaking moment.
They were so absorbed with the silence that came after their prior activity that they didn't hear a sob hitch in a quivering throat outside the door, didn't hear the breaking of a battered heart.
~~~
As morning broke, Micky could be found lying stretched out on Peter's bed, his bruised wrists lying lifeless by his sides. His tears had ceased after the first couple of hours, but he dreaded ever looking Mike in the face again. He felt so blind and so foolish - why on earth would Mike want him when he could have Davy? For a while he had lain there in a numb state, fighting off sleep with anger, but now all the thoughts returned tenfold and he felt tears well up in his eyes again. He needed comfort, and there was no one in the whole world who could give that to him. He could still feel Nick's rough bite on his ear, still smell his oily breath and could still see Davy nestle against Mike. Tears were rolling down Micky's cheeks now, and he realized that he was really just a child, lost in an adult world. Mike and Davy were adults, so was Peter, and Nick and everyone else on this fucking ship. What he needed right now was someone to say, "Don't worry Mick, I'm still here for you. Why don't we go and chat up some girls? Why don't we hit a club? But he knew that it was stupid to dream of impossibilities and he felt his heart skip as he remembered his old life, California, and the times they shared. He felt like he was dying, remembering all the good times; pretending to be a werewolf and Babbit thinking that they
had a dog. Good times when it was ok to be a kid and you wouldn't be punished for it, but right now, to Micky, that's all life was - a punishment and he wished for it to end.
Peter wandered around the ship with his hands thrust cheerily in his pockets. He was always up early, even when he had a free morning. Images of Davy, that innocent face and shivering body floated around his head and he couldn't wait until the evening, when once again he would claim Davy as his. He wandered into the dormitories and once again found Micky on his bed, curled up, facing the wall, the constant creaking drowning out the sobs that wracked his body.
"You have a hammock remember? As well as a job to do." Peter nudged Micky lightly in the back. Micky didn't even bother with a reply and merely lost himself in a world of salt water - he didn't give a fuck anymore.
"Micky. Peter grew restless and irritated.
"Fuck off,"
"The same to you if you don't get off my bed!"
"No! Now just get your fat ass away from me, I want to be alone!"
"Hey, now wait just a minute. But Peter was stopped when he saw a familiar face peer through the door.
"What's going on? Davy gave a smile as he strolled casually in.
"Micky's being a bastard again. He's real fucked up. Peter began to explain.
"Don't talk about me as if I weren't there! Micky scowled, still not bothering to turn to face them.
"Are you gonna tell us what this is all about? Davy placed his hands on his hips.
'Stay calm, stay calm', Micky chanted in his head again and again, gritting his teeth.
"Well? Davy raised an eyebrow.
That was it. Micky lurched from the bed, straightening to his full height and promptly slammed his fist across the Englishman's nose. Davy blacked out for a second, shaking his head whilst kneeling on the ground, at which he had landed, wishing his head would stop spinning.
Micky stood silently, still and perfectly straight, preparing to do exactly the same thing again if Davy gave him the opportunity.
"What the hell is going on here?! Mike roared as he appeared in the doorway, arms crossed angrily. At first he went to help Davy up but then he noticed Micky's expression and knew he had been found out. "Mick? He cooed lightly.
"You come a step closer and I'll rip your head off. Micky growled. Mike gave a cynical look but dropped it when he saw that Micky was shaking with emotion, and trying desperately to hide it.
Something stabbed Mike in his chest and a thousand thoughts doused his mind. Who was more important? "It's not what it looked like. Mike cautiously extended an arm but watched as Micky looked at it with disdain, anger, fear, and pain shining clearly in his eyes.
By now Davy was on his feet and took a step closer to Mike, latching onto the nearest arm. Immediately, as if Davy had some infectious disease, Mike shrugged him off and gave a glowering look. 'Bastard' Davy thought and stepped back a couple of paces.
"I don't need you anymore. All I was to you was a quick fuck, someone to make you feel big and strong, obviously I wasn't exciting enough for you! Micky spat and barged past the Texan as he stormed out of the room.
Mike looked to the floor, confusion, and decisions speeding from every corner of his brain. When he looked up, he found a fuming Peter standing before him and Davy.
"Care to explain? The blond whispered spitefully.
Micky walked as quickly as he could, trying to rid himself of Mike's image, voice, smell, and touch. He was a toy that had been abandoned for something better and he could see no future. As he looked back, he saw no past either, and came to the conclusion that they were all probably laughing at him right now, laughing at his innocence, laughing at the fact that he was so gullible as to think that someone actually cared. By now, Micky had cried himself dry and was just looking for a place to rest, his emotions draining him of all energy. Then he came upon a door he knew so well and sneaked inside, his heart heavy, and his eyes down.
Mike looked in the washroom mirror at his bleeding lip. "Fucking peace and love shit, wouldn't know it if it fell out the sky and hit him round the head. He growled, hissing as he added more water to his meager injury.Peter came off worse, but serve him right! In his opinion, the blond was certifiable. Davy had disappeared, so much for that, and Micky? God knows. Mike had to admit though, when he saw both his fallen lovers, one emotionally, one physically, his heart wrenched to hold Micky, stroke his hair and whisper love into his ear. "You're a fucking asshole Nesmith! He yelled at himself, inspecting for more wounds. He missed Micky already and couldn't quite understand how everything just suddenly went so wrong. Both his lovers were being abused, both taking it different ways. Davy bottled it up, like he did most things, casually shrugging it off and avoiding the subject, Micky, however, wanted to bring up the topic. He needed the sympathy; he needed someone to realize that what was happening was
hurting him. He didn't necessarily need a solution, just the attention.
Mike realized, then, that sleeping with Davy was the easy way out. There was no care involved, Davy carried no emotional baggage, he was up for just the sex, Micky demanded and deserved more. Micky was never the type to just sleep with someone and never see them again; he was always in for something more, that's why he gave his all. Davy, on the other hand, preferred not to get involved, it
was too much like hard work.
Mike looked at himself with hate. He had been so stupid to throw Micky's trust away and now Davy was angry with him too, he couldn't do anything right. And Peter? What gave him the idea that he and Davy were an item? Mike remembered the few punches he had landed on Peter and hoped he hadn't done the blond too much damage. Mike was silent for a long time, just staring, when he realized that he had to do something, right now. He had to find Micky; had to prove that what he did was a mistake and try and patch things up. And he knew the one place Micky would be.
Micky curled in the corner and painfully closed his eyes. They stung like hell and made him feel so tired. In his exhausted state, he imagined Mike was with him, stroking his hair and apologizing gently, while slowing kissing his neck. It felt so good and immediately a moan escaped Micky's throat. He needed this, needed the companionship, the love. Soon he grew too restless with emotion and opened his eyes quickly. He blinked several times when he still saw the image of Mike there until finally realizing that he was, indeed, there.
"What the fuck do you want? Micky scolded, startled, drawing his knees up tighter.
"I'm so, so sorry Mick,"
"I don't believe you,"
"I have no idea what happened."
"You're a bastard Mike, you're all against me."
Mike was silent and knew that there was only one thing Micky needed to hear to bring them both back together, but he couldn't convince himself that he was committed enough to say it. Finally his eyes rested on Micky's cherub-like face and the words came out before he could think.
"I love you Micky."
Micky's eyes met his quickly and they stared at each other for a while. Micky was questioning and running everything over in his head. Did Mike mean it? Could he risk another day alone? There had to be something between them or Mike would never have found him - hidden in the old disused
potato and grain store. "Do...do you really mean it?"
"More than you know."
Micky's eyes welled again as he felt the burden of decision weigh down his little shoulders. Before he knew it, he was wrapped up in Mike's arms again, soft kisses brushing the curls from his face. He wanted this, more than anything and the thought of spending another night alone made him feel
physically ill. This was what he wanted, and he was going to keep it.
"I'll give you one last chance. He murmured in Mike's ear and received a thank-you kiss, which melted away so much of the bitterness and left him, once again, naked and vulnerable but deep down, so happy. Yet in all this and the passion that followed, a nagging feeling stung the back of his mind - revenge and he would get his revenge on Davy and it would taste oh so sweet.
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