"What the hell was I thinking? What the hell were we thinking? I...I...it's hard to say. I don't even know where to start or how to start. I...I..." Micky shook his head in his hands.

"Take your time Micky. Start at the beginning."

Micky looked up and cleared his throat. "Well uh. It all started a couple years ago before the guys and I signed our record deal. Our number one fan for a couple years, during that time, was always there, watching us when we practiced."

"Your number one fan?"

"Yeah. my cousin, well my cousin's wife, Rose. Her name's Rachel but everyone calls her Rose. I don't know why."

"Micky get back to the story."

"Um yeah. Any way. I have had a crush on Rose ever since she and my cousin Julian got married about four or five years prior to all this. Since she's been coming over, you know, we've been flirting. Harmless flirting mind you. Well one day during practice, she was well. different.

I'm not conceited, or try to be, but I was looking damn good that day. I think she noticed too. The guys, Rose, and I had a special champagne toast, celebrating the 4th of July, and my return home from vacation. Since Rose bought the champagne, I thought it appropriate for her to open it. She poured my glass first, and then poured everyone else's. She gave me the last of the champagne. Rose was in a very good mood that day, and that made mine better. I think that the champagne added to it. I remember I had something that I wanted to talk to her about in private. I guess I should have chosen my words more carefully.

'He probably wants to go neck!' She said.

"No! That's not it." I couldn't think of a good reply at the time. Well as always a couple of our "fans" came over to watch us practice. I had gotten used to that, but they were starting to get annoying. Anyway, we were taking a break for a few minutes. Everyone was hanging out on the balcony, having a good time. Well, Rose was behind me, inside, but still close enough to be apart of the gang. I went up to say something to her, and she told me:

"Go back up there so I can look at your butt some more." I thought, ' You're not supposed to be talking like that to me! You're married, and to my cousin at that!'

But I liked the attention, even though it was from Rose. So anyway. after practice I finally got a chance to talk to Rose, like I wanted to. She whispered to me,

"So where do you want to go, the back seat of my car?"

"Um no. I..." I was taken by surprise with what she said, that I couldn't think of an intelligent response.

Rose wound up leading me to a little table, away from the house and the others, so we could talk. I was a little uneasy talking to her like that, because of how she was treating me, but I was also feeling real good because of the extra attention all of the sudden. But this was only the beginning of it.

The next time we practiced, Rose came over as usual. We say that Rose has two personalities, Rose and Rachel Dolenz. She's Rachel Dolenz when she has to be around the in-laws. Then she dresses nicer, pulls her hair back, and she's quieter. When she's Rose, she's, well, Rose."

"Micky you're drifting again." Interrupted the therapist.

"No. This kind of has a point. Let me finish what I was saying."

"Go on, then."

"You see on this day, she was more like Rachel Dolenz, only in a bad mood. I was the first one to see her when she arrived. She sat down in her usual spot with her beer, as always. I went out to see her before we practiced, as always. We began talking; Mike and Peter came out and sat down too. I sat back as the three of them talked, and caught myself staring at Rose for a second. Why was I so fixated on her all of the sudden? I never thought much about it before. Mike and Peter went back inside to warm up. Rose and I stayed outside to talk some more. It's hardly ever just the two of us. Suddenly Rose ran her hand on my leg. I looked at her, and she smiled at me. Her eyes were shinning softly.

"It's nice to be out here with just you for a change."

"Yeah, it is."

Then Rose did something I didn't expect at all. She leaned over and kissed me. The thing is, I didn't stop her. I normally would, but some reason I. I guess I didn't want to. Even though I knew that I should have. Then she got up and started to go inside. "I guess we should go in there now." She said.

"Yeah. They can't practice without us." I answered.

We went to the door and stopped. She patted my ass and whispered in my ear, "Meet me by my car after practice."

Without thinking I said ok, and we went inside. After practice, it was dark outside, but still light enough for us to see. I waited by Rose's car for a minute before she got there.

"There you are Micky. Waiting very long?"

"Um no. What did you want to meet me here for?"

"This." She pushed me against the car and kissed me forcefully. I pushed her off of me.

"What the hell are you doing Rose?!"

"Calm down Micky! I know what I'm doing."

"Yeah, like getting yourself in trouble!"

"No one's around. And no one's going to tell Julian about this, right?"

"B...but."

"Right, Micky?"

"Right...no! This is wrong!"

Rose stepped back and glanced at the ground, then at me.

"I guess I shouldn't have come on like that." She said.

"No I guess you shouldn't have."

"Yeah. I should have eased into it more." She said as she began to rub herself against me.

She ran her fingers through my hair, and looked into my eyes. I couldn't help myself. The next thing I knew, I had my arms around her, and we were making out on the hood of her car. It was such a great feeling, being with her, that I forgot about her being married to my cousin."

Micky stopped and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I just don't want any one to know that I came here. I."

"Don't worry about it Micky. Now tell me, did that sort of thing occur often after that night?"

"No. That was the only time until when we got our record deal. It was a year later, and we had forgotten all about that night. The guys and I were recording one night and Rose was there."

"What happened?"

"Well... I was working by myself on some vocal tracks, late the first night of recording. Rose walked into the booth and shut the door behind her. She walked up to me, all smiles, and said,'Micky I am so proud of you guys! I came down here to watch you record and to congratulate you.'

"Thank you so much! That is so nice of you. But why'd you tell just me?"

"Well I wanted to do something else. I mean I kind of had something on my mind lately."

"Like what?"

"You...me...well, us really." She cooed as she backed me up against a wall.

"This seems so familiar. like we did this before." I said with a smile. I knew why it seemed familiar, but this time I didn't try to stop it from happening.

I wrapped my arms around her, inviting her in for a kiss. We slowly slid down to the floor, and I wound up on top of her. I undid her blouse and tore it open, then bent down to kiss her bare skin. She giggled a little as I sucked around her naval. As I sucked, I reached up and placed my hand on her tit, and I gave it a firm squeeze. Then I moved up slowly, licking from her naval to her neck.

"Oh Micky! That's my sensitive spot!"

"I know." I continued to suck on her neck for a few seconds."

"Micky please spare the details." He said to his client, with annoyance.

"Would you rather I just say we had sex on the studio floor?"

"Yes."

"But that's so boring!"

"Just go on with your story."

"Ok. Fine.

After that night in the studio is when it really started, my relationship with Rose that is. We were sneaking around all the time. We knew it was wrong, but that's what made it so much fun and exciting! The fear of getting caught is what fueled us. All though I don't think that we would have kept going like that if the sex wasn't so amazing. I remember one time we were just starting our first tour. We were staying at this hotel. Rose and I worked it out for her to have a room, two floors below ours. The guys didn't even know that she was there at the hotel. Well one night I snuck down to her room. I was on her bed, stretched out, with my hands folded behind my head. She was sitting up, and was digging through one of her bags.

"What d' ya got down there?"

"You'll see." She answered.

Then there was a bright red strawberry hanging just above my mouth. That was an interesting surprise. I smiled and took a bite. Then Rose bit the strawberry and ran it over her lip, and then bent forward to kiss me. That was the best tasting kiss I ever had."

"Micky you're doing it again."

"I know." Micky answered with an impish grin.

"Then this is an important part of your story?"

"Well no, I just wanted to share the experience with you! I tell ya, that was great sex. We got strawberry juice every where, must have smelled like strawberries for a week!"

"The story, Micky."

"Yeah yeah... Like I was saying before, the fear of getting caught was what kept us going, that and the amazing sex of course. If we got caught, not only would every one in our family hate us, but also all of the reporters would find out, and oh what a scandal that would cause! But then someone did start to catch on to our affair, Mike. Now Mike is my best friend. We would do any thing for each other. Once he started to catch on, I had to tell him. We decided that in order for us to keep this a secret from the reporters, we would have to invent a different story for them."

"You created one scandal, to cover up for another? Sounds risky." The therapist asked.

"It was. And it worked."

"What story did you and Mike come up with?"

"You won't believe this.

We were at a press conference because word had gotten out that I was having an affair with someone. The reporters were crazy!

"Micky is this true?" Asked one reporter.

"Who is it Micky?" Another requested.

"How long has this been going on?" Yet another reporter inquired. I just brushed the questions off and grinned. Finally I spoke up. "I'll answer all of your questions. Just stop asking them at once. Yes I am having an affair." I paused and looked at Mike, who was sitting next to me, and I held his hand. "With Mike." He put his arm around me and smiled.

"We've been lovers a little over a year now. Right Mike?"

"Has it really been that long babe?"

Mike and I really played it up in front of the reporters. But we were glad when it was all over, that is until Davy and Peter said something. "Wow. We had absolutely no idea it was like this." Peter said. "Yeah. I knew you two were good friends, but not that good of friends! I guess if it makes you happy, then I'm fine with it."

"Thanks Davy. I'm just glad you guys understand." I said. Davy walked away. Peter came up and whispered to me.

"You know Micky, I would have thought that you would go for Davy."

"Peter!"

"Sorry Mick. I'll leave you two alone." He said, with a wink, as he walked away.

Once we knew we were alone, Mike let go of my hand and we stepped back from each other.

"God damn! I thought they'd never leave!"

"I know. But we still should be careful Mike. They could come back any minute."

"I bet you have this conversation with Rose a lot." Mike teased.

"Fuck you!"

Well Mike and I continued acting like we were lovers in public, just so I could keep seeing Rose. Then one day, we were all hanging around the house like always. Rose and the other girls were there too. Rose pulled me aside.

"Micky we have to talk."

"What is it?"

"Micky I...I don't know how to say this."

"It's all right Rose. Just tell me."

"I... I think I'm pregnant."

I was so shocked when she told me that I didn't know what to do. "Are you sure?" I asked.

"I haven't taken a test yet, but I'm pretty sure."

"Wait, if you are, it could be Julian's. He is your husband."

"I know Micky. But I think more than likely it would be yours. I would have to wait until after the baby's born to find out."

"When the baby's born? But you don't know for sure if you're pregnant yet!"

We were both really scared, and didn't know what to do. We decided that we'd go see the doctor the next morning to find out if she was pregnant. I kept to myself for the rest of the night. After everyone left, I sat outside on the steps, and started to cry. I never have been so scared of something in my life! Mike came out and asked what the matter was. I looked up at him, and tears rolled down my cheeks. My voice cracked a little as I spoke.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do man."

"What? What happened?" He asked.

"Rose told me that I might have gotten her pregnant! How could I be so fucking stupid?!"

Mike put his arm around me. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. "Mike what would we tell Davy and Peter if they came out here and saw us like this?" I asked after a few seconds.

"You mean if they saw that you were crying?" I nodded and wiped a tear away.

"Well. I'll just tell them that I broke up with you. They won't have to know the truth."

"Thanks Mike. What would I do without you?"

The next morning I took Rose to the doctor. We were so relieved to find out that she wasn't pregnant. On the way home we talked about everything and decided to end the affair." Micky paused for a few seconds and took a short breath.

"So you see why I was such a wreck when I first came in here today."

"Yes. That is quite a story Micky." Said the therapist as he scribbled some more on his paper before him.

Micky stood up and walked away from the couch and over to the window. "I...I just wish I knew why we put ourselves through it. Why?"

"Well I can help you figure it out, but you'll have to come back. I do have other clients you know."

"Yes of course. When can I see you again?"

"Tomorrow at the same time."

"Thank you." Micky walked to the door and opened it. "I'll see you tomorrow then." That said, he walked out and closed the door behind.